When I was younger

I'm 46 this month.

When I was younger, I worried about what people thought of me.

I worried whether they thought I looked too fat, too thin, too muscly. I worried about what I looked like in photos compared to them.

I worried they might think my clothes were too tarty, or hippie, or unfashionable.

I worried they might think I spent too much money, or not enough, or on the wrong things.

I worried they might think I was drinking too much, or not enough, or the wrong thing.

I worried about what they would think of my furnishings, or wallpaper, or paint colour.

I worried about what they might think if they found out who I voted for because they might not like it.

I worried about my performance at work, about whether I shined too much or not enough and what people would think of me as a result.

I spent a lot of time hiding who I was. 

When I turned 40, something turned in me.

Now I worry about my weight in case it is damaging my health, not so I can pose for a 'skinny' trout pout selfie (I do still worry about what I look like in photos though! Old habits die hard).

Now I worry about whether my clothes are good quality, comfortable and reflect me, not whether I'm wearing expensive, fashionable, poor quality 'one-season' items made in sweat shops.

Now I worry about whether my money should go towards supporting local businesses, or my retirement, or experiences that feed my soul, or give more to charity more, not whether I have a new car or clothes or watch or handbag.

Now I worry about where my food and drink come from, is it home-grown, locally-grown or shipped from abroad? Who grew it? Is it seasonal? Is it tasty? 

Now I worry about whether my furnishings, paint and wallpaper choices make me feel relaxed and at home, not whether they follow seasonal trends.

Now I worry about how my voting choices will affect my future. I'm interested in how others vote and their reasons why, but won't be swayed to gain their approval.

Now I worry about whether my work contribution is enough to meet our company goals and hit profit targets so everyone benefits. If that means I shine bright, good, I shine to everyone's benefit. If someone doesn't like that because it makes them feel insecure about their own endeavours, tough.

I wish I could tell the younger me I was worrying about the wrong things. I might have found my groove sooner.

Getting older has benefits :))))