I always thought I'd thrive if I was put into a situation where I couldn't go anywhere, as long as I had my books. Well I have my books - and much more besides - and I'm not ok. I didn't realise how much I needed useful revenue-generating work.
Since being furloughed I've worked hard to keep active, even going so far as to put together a schedule for myself, but the uncertainty surrounding whether I will have a paying job or not at the end of all of this is weighing me down. I'm sleeping badly so every 2-3 days I resort to taking a pill just to get some rest and allow my body to repair itself, although it usually means I'm a bit too sleepy the next day to do anything worthwhile. I'm having to carefully plan any big jobs to coincide with the point where I am rested and awake.
There's another aspect to furlough that people don't really talk about, and that's the rejection and loss of self-esteem. You think you are a necessary part of the team until furloughed, and then you realise that you have been classed 'a non-essential worker'. It feels like a slap in the face. In fact, I feel exactly as I did when I was made redundant in 2013: unnecessary. I'm not someone who deals well with being considered unnecessary. What makes it a bit worse is I know that my firm is ok money-wise, with plenty of reserves on the bank, so this was just to grab some free money. Three people have handed in their notice since and two have already gone. I wonder if the management will ever grasp the damage they have done.
Anyway, that's how my week has been. Don't get me wrong, I've been keeping my mouth firmly shut and ploughing on ahead with things round here. Being furloughed on full pay is a gift. It's just that bloody word (and its synonyms) going round and round my head: unnecessary (unneeded, pointless...).
Right, moan over. Shut yer face, Sarah.
So, we're cleaning up the 'building site' at the back of the barns.
We've not been successful trying to get rid of the 3,000+ bricks to anyone so we've been skipping them. I decided to bite the bullet and just turf them out. We've been here four years in July and enough is enough. Once clear, I'll be siting a greenhouse down there, as it is a wonderful warm spot next to a wall that gets the sunshine most of the day and I can grow lots more tomatoes for pasta sauces.
Talking of tomatoes, I ordered some tomato plants from a local nursery that was doing a lockdown special delivery service for people in my postcode so I managed to get eight + growbags: six for the mini greenhouse and two for hanging pots.
The hanging pot I got from a charity shop for £2, along with a couple of retractable pulleys (also £2) for easy watering.
I was delighted to find someone had stuffed two brand new hanging pouches in the growbag box when I opened it up so I shall be finding some plug plants to go in those this year.
I decided to plant up some heavily sprouted Tyson potatoes, left over from our last sack, in the pig pen, as it has lovely friable fertilised soil thanks to the efforts of our last two pigs.
I've also planted another pear tree and blackcurrant bush that I bought way back last summer and gave my blueberry a good water and feed. I was annoyed to find my two cranberries didn't make it through the winter. They were completely dead with rotted roots so I've yanked those out.
Finally, I have a few self-seeded gooseberry bushes, a tayberry and a loganberry still to plant up, but not today. Today it has been raining and it was really needed. Loving the sunshine and all, but it felt weird to be watering dry pots every day in mid-April 😁
Hi there, it is always great to see your blog pop up in the inbox. So sorry to hear you are struggling. I think we are all having our days at the moment. I live in Australia where the virus has had a very small impact compared to other countries, but many jobs have been lost and others hang in the balance, so there is still a lot of fear and uncertainty. You are very fortunate in having plenty of land on which to become self-sufficient at least. I have a fairly small garden, but it is amazing what you can grow in the odd spaces here and there and I am currently looking at pots on the fence too. We will get through this, even though life may look quite different on the other side. Just to encourage you also, my husband was made redundant seven times in the 1980's and 1990's during the various recessions. It was terrible and we were forced to become very resourceful as we had a young family at the time (no food banks in those days either). However, we survived and those times are merely unpleasant memories now. As will these times be eventually. Take care now. Sending love from Down Under xxx
ReplyDeleteGoodness me, that sounds tough. To have to go through redundancy seven times in that space of time must have worn you both out.
DeleteChin up, darling, look at what you have achieved - buying your smallholding. That's quite a feat in itself. My smallholding is keeping me relatively sane with lots to do and the weather has been perfect for gardening so I think we're quite lucky. Take care x.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elaine. I know, I keep reminding myself how lucky I am.
DeleteThanks Jean
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